The Perfect Space
Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” I used to think this verse was about having blind trust in God for unknown and hard-to-see things such as his existence, or the assurance that I was going to heaven. In typical God-like fashion, he has taken what used to be a surface level truth and colored it into a more beautiful and sacred truth. I now see this verse to be way more about what is known and what is yet to be seen rather than what is not.
But what exactly is yet to be seen and known? I don’t know entirely, but very often I see glimpses. These glimpses come when I recognize something about creation that is not as it should be, or, the opposite - something about creation that is exactly as it should be. In my life up until this point, I was convinced that if I did enough things right, I could find “the perfect space” where all creation is exactly as it should be. There, all my hopes, desires, and dreams would be realized, and I would be truly fulfilled. I have learned that to desire the “perfect space” is good and even necessary. The only catch is that I have to die to get there. Much discontentment in my life has come from wanting the “perfect space” now. Being in The Fellows Program has taught me so much about what it means to be faithful now with what we do see, while also waiting patiently for what we have yet to see.
To illustrate this idea, I want to skip down to verse 13 and consider how similar the lives of the Old Testament heroes are to the current Christian life:
“These all died in faith, not having received the things promised”. - Hebrews 11:13.
To put this verse in my own words, “These all died in faith, not having seen the fruit they desired in their ministry, not having loved their kids and spouse the way that they wished to, not having completed their dream home or beautiful garden, not having beaten their depression, not having achieved the success they hoped for in their careers, not having been known and loved the way their hearts desired, not having loved their God and neighbor with all their soul, strength, and mind.” To summarize, “These all died in faith, not having flourished in the ways they had hoped for.”
However, the text continues:
“but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.” - Hebrews 11:14-16
To be faithful now, I believe all I must do is answer my callings. These callings come mainly from my desires, which God is molding to make more noble, true, and good. I often fail to live out my callings, and I think that is completely okay because I have come to recognize a greater Calling. This is a calling home, a “perfect space” where everything is as it should be, where I truly belong, where all my hopes and convictions of reality are met with the unlimited grace of God that makes them true.