Embracing the Unexpected
Contrary to our view of work, work is not a thing that one does to live, but the thing that one lives to do. The Lord calls us to abad and shamar (Hebrew for ‘tend’ and ‘keep’) the world which he gave us. All work matters to God, uplifting humanity and having dignity. Along with this call to work, we are granted gifts and desires. It is through the Fellows Program I’ve discovered where I have fallen from His design of work.
The work I’ve been doing is not the work I expected when I joined the program. Instead of using my pre-med degree in direct patient care, I am working as a receptionist at a medical clinic. I have jealously watched fellows in other cities work as medical assistants as I file papers. I’ve felt like a failure and looked down upon my current calling, letting it completely define my identity. Something about my view of work was leading me to miss the dignity and redemptive power of this calling, to miss the beauty that all work matters to God.
I have always wanted to go to medical school, however, I began to question my decision due to a fear that I idolized becoming a physician. Some idols are innately good things, such as a vocation, but become idols when they are worshiped with a corrupt heart. Why did I want to become a doctor? Was it because I wanted to escape from my past of being dismissed? Did I feel like I was owed something? I was afraid that my pride and ego were fueling my desire for medical school. The Lord met me in this wrestling and led me through the process of peeling back the layers of my desires. I have been called to lean in and recognize that because I have been too focused on wanting more than what I am doing, I haven’t seen what He is doing.
Through my current job placement, the Lord has refined my passion to meet people in their lowest places. Though I may not be currently providing them medical care, I am the first face they see that greets them, letting them know they are welcome and seen. I now embrace the opportunity where the Lord has planted me, even if it is not what I expected. I once determined my worth based on success, however, God’s metric is not success but faithfulness. I have learned that I don’t need medical school to determine my worth because He has already made me talented. It does not mean that I can’t be called to be a successful physician, but I am to be a good steward along the way with whatever job I have now. I am learning how Jesus has a greater goal than simply healing – he initiates relationships and makes everything new in the process.
While the desires of my heart are still contradictory, I know that I am a ruin that is being restored, fallen yet redeemed. I have learned that sanctification comes through this suffering, through sowing our tears. I cannot force flourishing upon myself, but I can learn how to wait with the correct posture. I am starting to open my eyes to be pulled out of the depths of self-absorption to fully see others. I’m not sure what God has for me next, but I can be assured that living for Him is superior to the ‘right’ decision. My advice is to lean into whatever season the Lord has placed you - just as He has placed me at the front desk of a medical clinic to be a redemptive and relational presence for countless hurting patients. These seasons yield priceless and heavenly fruit, and even those who don’t yet know Jesus can experience the Gospel through you or in spite of you.
Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you... rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.
1 Peter 4: 12-13